she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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