I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Dear god my vagina.
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