The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
