farters have to be the big spoon...
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
