I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
