PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
