Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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