I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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