Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
