thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I supernannyed him into submission
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
