he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Reggie can tackle my bush.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
