Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Randomize
