i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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