Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
