i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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