So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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