Nicole vs. Life
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
he just fucked me for my cheese.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
