Sry I called you an 8
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
