Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
