I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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