just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just want nice things and good sex
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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