final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
