well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
