my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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