she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
