its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
