Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I had to cum in my sink.
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