before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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