I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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