Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
