I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Pants are for mortals
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
