wat bout pragnant strippers??
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
