do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
