you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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