the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize
