If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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