woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
