I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
They are going to name an STD after you.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
