so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
