I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
