Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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