the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize