i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
