You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
