whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
