the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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