Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
