I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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