They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
did you just send me my own nude
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
