Your dad touched me again.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
