your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
there is glitter all over my balls
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
