Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize