i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize