i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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