Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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