dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
