Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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