Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
