also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize