the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I think your dad took our porno
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
