I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize