Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
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