you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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