Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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