My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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