Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
