Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
