Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
