Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
