I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
