he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Who died my cat blue again?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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