once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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