I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
