My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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