You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
