Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
