Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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