Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
