So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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